Well, I guess this will be the first time on this forum that I publicly ‘eat my words’. After reading my previous post, Dad mentioned to me that he was concerned about my choice of words in the second paragraph. I wrote that “those days I shake my fist at God and ask Him why He ever brought me here. Didn’t He hear about MY plans for me?”
And if you’re like Daddy, you may well gasp at the thought of me shaking my fist at my God, the God who is only worthy of reverence and worship. After reading it again, it did sound much more literal than I intended it to, and I hope it did not offend you or make you think me to be on the verge of cursing God.
I guess the idea I was trying to portray was the ridiculousness of me, an itty-bitty speck on the earth, being angry with (or shaking my tiny, powerless fist at) an all-knowing, omnipotent God. The ridiculousness of me doubting His perfect plan for my life and trusting rather in my own.
And yet, in spite of the ridiculousness of it, I do sometimes feel angry at God. I doubt His goodness. I doubt His love. In my heart of hearts I know the truth, but in my weakness I do doubt, and yes, sometimes even cry in anger. I have so many things to grow in…I think of my struggles in comparison to those of Job. He lost everything he had, and yet, when Satan had struck the last blow, Job fell to the ground in worship. I am very afraid that I wouldn’t be able to do that. Help me Lord.
I hope I haven’t forever shocked you with my struggles. I hope you can forgive my blundering words, and that somehow, behind my clumsy weaknesses, people can see the life of Christ within me.
And, just for the record, I changed the wording in my “Honest Post” to something less severe. But those of you who view the post in your email rather than in your browser won’t be able to see the change unless you open it in your browser. So, I just wanted to clarify my feelings so you’re not left thinking something I didn’t mean exactly.
Blessings to you all today. Thank you for your understanding.